Relationship Challenges

(with self and others)

If relationships feel like hard work, you're probably not imagining it.

You care deeply. You give generously. And yet, you wonder often:

Why do I feel so disconnected?

Why do my relationships leave me feeling alone, even when I’m surrounded by people?

If you’re the kind of person who has always been the strong one, the helper, or the one who “has it all together,” you might find relationships (romantic, familial, professional, or even friendships) feel more draining than fulfilling.

And what makes this even harder for lots of people is that even your relationship with yourself may not feel safe, kind, or clear.

"Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have." - Robert Holden

In your relationship to yourself, you might be facing:

A harsh inner critic

That voice inside you that says you’re never doing enough, never getting it quite right. It might sound like pressure to be perfect, or shame when you rest. It can make it hard to feel proud of yourself, even when others see your success.

Emotional disconnection from yourself

You find it easier to tune into how others feel than to know what you feel. You may even struggle to name your own needs, let alone ask for them to be met. That is, until it spills out as frustration, tears, or shutdown.

Guilt when putting yourself first

You’ve been conditioned to believe that your needs come second. Saying no, taking a break, or asking for support feels selfish even when you're running on empty.

Fear of rest or joy

Taking time for yourself feels indulgent or irresponsible. When you try to relax, it feels unfamiliar or unsafe like something might fall apart.

Imposter syndrome

Despite everything you’ve achieved, there’s still a part of you that feels like you don’t belong. You might downplay your success or worry that others will “find you out.”

Over-responsibility for others

You often carry more than your share of emotional or practical labour including at home, at work, in your relationships. It feels easier to hold it all than to risk others dropping the ball.

Self-worth tied to performance or sacrifice

You feel valued when you're being productive, helpful, or putting others first. But the moment you slow down or say no, guilt creeps in.

And in your relationships with others, this might show up as:

Feeling misunderstood or unseen

You often feel like you have to explain your reality in ways others don't. Whether it's your culture, your values, or your lived experiences, you're rarely fully reflected in the spaces you're in. It leaves you feeling distant, even when you're surrounded by people.

People-pleasing and blurred boundaries

You say yes when you want to say no. You downplay your needs to avoid conflict. You over-explain, justify, and try to manage others’ emotions because peace often feels more important than truth.

Working harder than others to maintain connection

You’re usually the one initiating, following up, checking in. And even then, relationships often feel one-sided. You might wonder if something’s wrong with you for wanting more closeness than others seem to need.

Avoiding vulnerability and conflict

You keep your feelings to yourself, afraid of being too much or causing discomfort. You might smile through hurt or withdraw entirely because being vulnerable hasn't always felt safe.

Being the emotional anchor

You're the one others come to in crisis. You're reliable, steady, and emotionally available but rarely receive the same in return. You feel like everyone’s safe place, but you don’t have one of your own.

Fear of being a burden

You minimise your pain, keep your struggles to yourself, and push through. The idea of someone else worrying about you or needing to care for you feels unbearable.

Over-functioning in romantic relationships

You take on the emotional load. You anticipate your partner’s needs, manage the household, soothe conflict and end up exhausted. You might find yourself in patterns with emotionally unavailable or under-functioning partners.

Repeating family roles without realising it

You might fall into patterns of over-giving, chasing validation, or self-silencing mirroring what you learned growing up. Even when the context is different, the emotional script feels familiar.